Let me get one thing straight right now. I do not like seeing people’s lives get upended by natural disasters. Seeing the damage that tornadoes threw on the Midwest is heartbreaking. If you or someone you love was affected, I hope they made it through and will be able to rebuild.

That said, people everywhere have at least one TV and/or radio station in their town that is making a big deal about being supportive to those afflicted areas. “We’re (insert affected city name here) Strong!” and all that.

(Get ready for the “comedy” here, folks.)

I want to see another TV and/or radio station in some town take the other side in that marketing ploy. “Fuck (insert affected city name here)! They deserved that hurricane!” I want it to happen in a humorous, non-Republican, strictly comical way and I want people to laugh at it like we used to do. That would truly help with the healing.

Baseball is boring.

What? You need more? Alright….

Don’t get me wrong. I love the game. I just watched late May Mets game when they’re on a West Coast road trip. I got to see Michael Conforto hit an opposite-field grand slam to cinch it. The Mets winning made it worth it. Leading to up to that, I was bored. After it happened, I was bored. I get why a lot of people younger than me don’t watch.

Ratings are down nationally. There are teams that drew 8,000 fans to the park tonight, and those are good nights for those teams. The A’s were content on not having a radio partner this season until a station that no one listens to in Oakland swooped in. Nobody cares.

Put the blame on any of the following: poor Hot Stove action, poor marketing of its young stars, low-level (at this point) rumblings of a strike, a national TV schedule that only seems to schedule the Red Sox and Yankees playing five-hour games with 78 pitching changes apiece. Seriously, the only people tuning in for that are people like my dad who will fall asleep halfway through the 42nd pitching change in the fifth inning.

Speaking of sleep, I need some. Sorry if this just sounded like unnecessary bitching about a game that should be better.

My friend Paul M. Banks joins me to talk about his new book, “No, I Can’t Get You Free Tickets: : Lessons Learned From a Life in the Sports Media Industry” while he gets harassed by his cat, Otis.

Go ahead and listen.

What have I been doing? Well…

1. Helping plan a wedding. Yes, only helping. I’m typically asked of my opinion, then three weeks later, it happens.
2. Getting new glasses for the first time in seven years. (No glaucoma!)
3. Going to the dentist for the first time in I don’t know when. (Wisdom teeth have to come out, but somehow no cavities!)
4. Trying to figure out which doctor to go to for my first check-up in eons. (Not looking forward to the laundry list of things wrong with me on this one, kids.)
5. Working on a long-form piece about Mr. Show. My original idea is not coming to fruition like I thought it would. It’s probably why I don’t freelance too much.
6. Hanging out with Paul M. Banks in South Bend on a Tuesday night. Paul was in town for Notre Dame’s Pro Day and decided to kill time listening to me monopolize a conversation over pizza and beer. (I know how to wine and dine people!) Paul was able to get a picture of First Down Moses while he was in town thanks to my directions. See, everybody knows about Touchdown Jesus. Nobody knows about First Down Moses and THERE’S THE REAL SHAME. Paul will be on the podcast soon. You know, once I decide to start doing it again.
7. Getting a second job, and not just any job. I got a broadcasting job. I’m officially an employee of Mid-West Family Broadcasting‘s stations in South Bend. I’m so far down the totem pole that I think I’ve already been forgotten (I’m teasing here!), which will make my conquering of those stations that much sweeter (kind of not teasing here, I’m hungry!). If I wind up doing anything of note, I’ll let you know. (In case you were wondering, the last place had their chance and blew it. Or, they just didn’t want a third go-around. Either way, their loss. I’m good and they know it.)
8. Coming to grips with turning 40. It’s like turning 30, only I find myself looking back and realizing what a total waste my 30’s were. My 30’s, with some obvious exceptions (like finding the love of my life and actually finishing college), sucked. Too much loss, both professionally and personally. I know that loss is part of the game of life and that it’s inevitable, but I’d rather lose some weight (30 pounds, so far!) than lose another good friend or relative.

Everybody caught up now? Good. Thanks for hanging in there with me.

Over the last couple of months, I’ve been dieting. I’m pretty pleased with the results so far. I’m down 35 pounds from my heaviest of 272.

Yes, I want to look good in my wedding pictures. I also would like to, you know, live longer and when I’m living the high life in my doomsday bunker, you’ll all be jealous. Or long since vaporized. Whichever.

There is one thing that could derail everything and it’s this:

YOU’RE THE DEVIL, CHOCOLATE COVERED PRETZELS!

Yup. It’s these little bastards. Dr. Fiance came home with a bag of these from a farmer’s market today (A FARMER’S MARKET.) and I’m pretty sure I’ve eaten half the bag. I’m certain that if you put a 35-pound pile of chocolate covered pretzels in front of me, I’m making it my life’s goal to eat that pile in under an hour or die trying.

Damn you, chocolate covered pretzels, being all delicious and wonderful.